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Monday, August 2, 2010

12:38AM - A rest stop, not a mile marker (2010 Blackhawks)

We won, its official. Besides UNC College championships which I could only celebrate with myself, this is my first time at winning it all. Not only did we win, we carved a moment in time forever. This team will be legendary to everyone involved. For at least tonite, politics, financial issues, racism, depression, or anything negative has been put to rest. Our city and all its inhabitants now have the right to cheer and honk their horns and smile at nothing.
And maybe to some, sports dont make sense. Why arbitrarily root for a group of hockey players' success. And I would tell you this reason. Just like the people you work with, the people you hang out with, the people you see almost everyday become fixtures in your life, so do sports teams. They become a shared fixture in your life, and just as other fixtures, you wish them well. And when a team like this comes along, its easy to want the absolute best for them. Its for memories, bragging rights, exhilirating moments and a chance to be a kid again. Its shelter from life's storm, and a reminder that even in an increasingly impersonal world, the best things in life are meant to be shared with everyone. Do you remember where you were. Who you were with, where you were in life. I do. And I always will. Take a moment, folks. Take it all in.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

1:02AM - Hockey and Destiny

How many times have I positioned myself behind a team with a chance at destiny. The difference here is that this is not a team with a chance, but a team who is expected to win.
They havent been an underdog the whole year. Not in the preseason predictions, not in the regular season, and with the exception of some misguided experts' opinions of their chances against the canucks, not even in the playoffs.
In a world of sports that too frequently lets its fans down, this story feels too good. Each Hawks player has a compelling story. Pat Kane the rising superstar, with his continuing clutch play, cocky attitude, and picturesque moments. Jonathon Toews, the Lou Gehrig of the team, providing focus and consistency. He may be more valuable than Kane, just as Gehrig quietly was most likely better than Ruth. Niemi the rookie goaltender with nerves of steel. Nothing ever effects this guy for any prolonged amount of time. He has been exceptional. Dustin Byfuglien, the freakish athlete who strikes fear in the heart of opponents. He makes you feel like you are watching the Bulls vs. the Knicks circa 1996, with his trashtalking and pandering to the crowd. Many times he is the visible, expressive face of the team. Marian Hossa the soldier in a desperate struggle to have his name immortalized on the stanley cup. I watched him sob when he lost as a Red Wing last year in the finals. Patrick Sharp the unsung hero, most likely to be shed due to salary in the future, attempting to immortalize himself in chicago before the russian roulette of free agency. Keith and Seabrook, the iron wall on defense. Tons of teams can score, but having exceptional defense is the reason we are not the washington Capitals. Kris Versteeg the wild card, with the ability to be great and terrible. Brian Campbell who redefined irony inadvertently , when Ovechkins first round exit coincided with his return from injury. Adam Burish the instigator and master of the soundbyte, who decisively won the verbal war with the Canucks and may very well have changed the series. Joe Quenneville with his erratic line combos and constant tinkering in his quest to overcome a slightly average playoff record largely borne of his previous jobs.

When your team is not a risk to flame out at any moment, you can appreciate the whole process as well. The rise of the 8th seed Canadiens, the valiant effort of the Flyers, the seven game thriller of the new guard ( coyotes) vs. the old ( detroit). Ryan Miller vs. the entire Bruins team. San Jose scoring on themselves in OT. Its been a pleasure. But the real value will only be realized if we can take it all. I think we can, and I hope we do. As trivial as sports are in the grand scheme of things, something as absolutely undeniable as a championship can do wonders to the soul of a franchise, city, and populace. God help the Sharks.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

5:57AM - Lost

Just a footnote here... Lost has really surprised me, and has become a staple of of must see tv for me. Shockingly, it is a thoughtful, raw, and ironically realistic show, despite its airing on a non pay and non cable network. Rarely does a show evoke so much intrigue while still incorporating a high degree of good old crowd pleasing action. And on top of that, just when you have decided that if this show was any more serious it would nosedive under its own intellectual weight, just enough humor presents itself to make you realize that these are people not characters. Its about 10 percent gilligans island, 70 percent Lost in Space, and 20 percent unsolved mysteries... The strangest thing is that such a deep show survived network television.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

2:34AM


I cant really elaborate too much, but today i found out the answer to a troubling question that had been weighing on me for a couple of weeks. The answer was a complete relief. I prepared myself for the other outcome however, and made sure that were it confirmed, i would remember the moment forever with great detail. This is a sort of second chance for me. And at 27, i am very thankful.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

2:16AM - Golden Age of Television

HBO/Showtime has created the best string of Television Series in the history of the medium. "I Love Lucy" was profound in its entertainment value, but not profound in the same way that "Six Feet Under" was. Cable has created a level of freedom that allows for the most edgy, graphic, honest and most importantly, realistic takes on storylines that has ever been witnessed. I just watched the Dexter season 4 finale and realized how amazing this run of shows has been. Lets just say that if Alan Alda was killed in an episode of MASH, it would never affect the viewer in the way a certain dexter "death" recently did. These characters are able to come alive in ways that can tug at your heart. Six Feet Under is Bob Dylan going electric. The Sopranos is the beatles landing in America. The Wire is the Stones at Altamont. Dexter is the Dark Side of the Moon. Entourage is James Brown at the Apollo. And finally, Weeds is Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. The 00's of TV, is the 60's of Music.

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Thursday, November 19, 2009

3:04AM - Missing Everyone

People are coming and going constantly, in and out of our lives. Everything changes given time. I miss everything. And it wont be long til i miss this.

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

2:05AM - A Hopeful Time

When there is something comfortable and consistent to look forward to, my life becomes so much easier. Realizing that when work and responsibilities are finished for the day or the week, that something worth devoting your free time to lies ahead makes everything worthwhile. I have that right now. Its been awhile.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

1:44AM - The Metrodome

It will be hard to watch the Twins once the year ends, as their most famous and distinguishing feature will be laid to rest. The Metrodome might just be the absolute worst stadium in the game when it comes to aesthetics and amenities. However its plastic blue walls have witnessed an amazing total of memorable moments. Most obvious was the finale of the 91 world series against the braves. A 1-0 extrainning game ending the greatest world series in maybe the history of world series. Its funny how after watching baseball for years on tv, the metrodome felt very familiar to me. Not like home, but a relatives home who you visit regularly. Its the same feeling for only a few other stadiums. Fenway park and Wrigley field are the other ones that come to mind. But those are two historica relics that represent baseballs past. The big blue dome lasted for an average amount of time and was universally known more for its sheer tackiness than for any other feature. It was a ballfield that was completely defined by its games,teams and fans.

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Monday, September 28, 2009

8:15PM - Other Thoughts on Racism

Ultimately, the way racism will fall by the wayside is when it ceases from being the pink elephant in the room. When white kids can make jokes about black kids right to their faces and vice versa. As long as their isnt any malice. Its a comfort level. Its when race can be pointed out and ignored simultaneously. Its white kids in the suburbs worshipping michael jackson in the eighties. Its Dwayne Wade hyping the talent of Jay Cutler on Twitter. Its hiphop slang being spoken by heavy metal kids. We have come a long way in a short time. And most importantly, everyone should be judged by their own merits.

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7:02PM - List of Unwitting and Incredibly Effective Modern Civil Rights Icons

1. Chris Rock ( most effective modern icon at making race not matter while talking 90 percent of the time about race. And the fact he may be the funniest man alive currently, hes got a big sounding board.)

all others are in no particular order... remember that i said inadvertent. So no Al Sharptons etc.

Makers of Harold and Kumar (First real populist take that made light of indian americans and korean americans and the interesting quirks of american born ethnic looking folks, whose parents grew up in another country and raise them with with their feet in both cultures.)

John Stockton ( If u looked down on the 92 dream team from a helicopter, he would be the white dot. He was the best point guard in the league for years with the jazz alongside Karl Malone. He was so damn good, that he opened the eyes of many black players who subconsciously believed that whites could not be as athletically gifted. Remember, these "pioneers" werent taking on racism rooted of hatred, mostly they broke apart the basis for deeply ingrained prejudices. )

Eminem ( Too easy. However, once he proved he had talent, I was shocked at how black rappers welcomed him with open arms. Music and Art has long been incredibly effective in breaking down the walls of prejudice.)

Kanye West ( Despite being an idiot many, many times, He is the epitome of the new "post-racism" period that is supposedly now. Teams up with anyone and everyone, as long as they have the ability. Hes the most political of everyone i've listed. He calls out everyone, including very specifically himself. Most people forget that he called out rappers and the black community at large for being hypocritical by using hateful and homophobic words and messages in their music. That was a pretty ballsy move he did not have to make. And the prevalence of homophobia in the black community is truly a dirty little secret. In fact, the history of the world is the ascendance of groups of people who were early on oppressed, and then gain the power to become the opresser.)

4:50PM - Greg Olsens

What the hell is with the abundance of athletes named greg olsen. When I say that, I mean in a proportional way. It doesnt really seem like greg olsen is a common american name. And when I say there is a bunch, the number is actually 3. Each one had or is having at least one allstar season. Greg Olsen, Baltimore Orioles Closer early 90's. Greg Olsen, Atlanta Braves catcher, early 90's. Greg Olsen, Tight End for da Bears, in da present.

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Sunday, September 27, 2009

12:53PM - Faith and Religion

I am not a religious person.... I am not really a spiritual person either.... But I am also not an atheist.. And the reason I am not is that I do have real faith that being kind and doing good things for people counts for something huge... Not a belief, but a faith.. If even for the direct feeling you get from doing something good... Because at the very least, that feeling cannot be measured and feels pure... nothing scientific about it... something is going on behind the scenes..

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3:33AM - yeah x three

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are underrated. Going through their catalog of music. i realized that there were quite a few hidden gems. I think they got lumped into the NYC pop punk package, and havent really been recognized for how talented and inventive they have been. Their is a definite soul in their music, when they want to show it. And when they don't, they write a damn good piece of nonpretentious pop. The most classic of their songs, maps, is such a great representation of their body of work. Just Enough lyrics to express themselves, good enough chorus to repeat countless times rather than write more bridges. Karen O's voice is weathered and weary, but also perky and uninhibited. And the music is modest but overwhelmingly effective in its goal.

" Waaait, they dont love you like I love you."

Sounds like the last, most desperate attempt to stop someone from leaving. And yet it may be the most influential thought to cross their lips. Those are the stakes. There is no promise that starting over will lead you back to the joy you once had. And that original joy may not be lost, just buried.

They capture the feeling of this trancendent and climactic moment perfectly. And trust me, that is not luck.

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Friday, August 21, 2009

12:35PM - Heres Hoping (not a prayer or a letter to an x)

Im hoping this one will work out... please forgive my recent actions... I was amazing for awhile.. Lesson learned... dont disqualify me from what im hoping for... i will give back double what i have caused..

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Thursday, August 20, 2009

2:32AM - Not in This Life

I now understand how two people that were previously close can be irreversably torn apart forever.. I have met the person who is my foil in this tragic process... It started with an action in its blatant and uncompromising way that caused my heart to be broken and my confidence destroyed. Next comes the insincere apology only prompted by my insistence, and then came the friends stage which was met with way too many obstacles. Next came the new guy who was good enough to make the fragile friendship be ignored and abandoned . Then came the harsh words of the now twice bitten man, that went a little too deep whether they were true or not. Then suddenly the new guy is thrust into the past, and those harsh words become very regrettable since now the friendship has an opening again. By this point its just too much. The baggage will always be strapped on tight in each and every situation. No words can be spoken freely. Thoughts are edited methodically before turning into words, and the sheer hassle of that makes for anger and confusion and resentment. It will never be the same again. And there is nothing either of you can do. What once seemed so accessible has now become a mine field. In this life, that window has closed. In the next, it could be a thrilling love story with a happy ending. Those two good hearts will never reach eachother again. Effort will only backfire. Maybe the best thing that will eventually be left is the cloudy memories of the good times that these two souls achieved while occupying a certain space in time that has long been lost to the universe. And that means that a piece of your heart will now be floating in space lost for all of eternity.

Monday, August 10, 2009

4:11AM - Lollapalooza

i pretty enjoyable lollapalooza... but some of the thoughts that go through my brain have been a little depressing lately.... and claustrophobic.. but maybe its just the random situations i have put myself in.. big dumb polarizing situations..... too much thinking....

Thursday, August 6, 2009

1:31AM - Someday ill float

i am so exhausted from my life ... i just want to be content with no impending uncertainty... i dont want to fear each and every day that certain things that i rely on are gonna be gone... i want to settle down so i can be free.. yeah that seems contradictory... i cant even sit in a room by myself without a distraction to keep myself out of my head...

so far life seems like an attempt to ultimately be distracted for the most time possible... and then the distractions turn into the problem.. and then something new is looming at the fringes of your mind... and its too big to ignore, so just distract.... rinse and repeat etc.. and then your whole life is over....

1:22AM - where the fuck am I?

all that wasted time adds up... here comes 27... i think i have lived the sort of life that seems boring day to day but will seem interesting on paper... oh man, the twists and turns... yet it seems remarkably stable most times...

Friday, July 31, 2009

3:53AM - The Stakes

The stakes are increasingly higher everyday. Each decision I make seems like it will impact the rest of my life. where is my path, my direction. As much as i have learned about myself these last few years, im even more confused as to where I fit. I have been around long enough to see my childhood heroes disappear into the realm of irrelevance. They were last generation. I am this generation, and I havent even started my life. How many times do I have to be reminded that athletes, bands and performers are now younger than me. I feel like I fall through the cracks. I am too cynical to devote myself to anything. I dream too much to be a cynic. I think too much for my own good, but believe in too many simple things to be a philosopher. ....

Saturday, July 25, 2009

5:21AM - Jealous or Love

When your girlfriend or wife or significant other starts talking to another guy and seems to take some sort of interest in them, what would you call the emotion that runs through your mind?

Jealousy, right?


In most cases, that is the furthest thing from the truth. Most likely its fear. Or heartbreak. Or disappointment. Or even Anger. The vast majority of the time, you could not care less about the other guy. Its the fact that you want your girl to stay with you, and do not want anyone or anything to threaten that. Its a fear thats borne out of your desire to be with that person because of how strongly you feel for them.

Jealousy is something evil. And its located on the exact opposite side of the spectrum..

Sometimes I feel like its a virtue in this world to just not care. Especially when you consider that so many acts of caring will leave you misinterpreted and misunderstood.

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